The Four Stages Of Escapism

Healthy EscapismAfter a long harsh day of facing reality, what do you deserve? What do you do to escape, to get away from it all for a few hours?

There was a book that I read to my kids when they were younger called Alexander And The Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day.

It’s a book about a boy named Alexander whose day goes from bad to worse. He wakes up with gum in his hair, he gets his sleeve wet in the sink, he trips over a skateboard, and there’s no prize in his cereal box. And that’s just in the morning. It’s a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

Then he goes to school and the teacher won’t acknowledge the picture that he drew of an invisible castle, there’s no dessert in his lunch. After school his Mom won’t buy him the kind of sneakers that he really wants. He gets drilled on by the dentist for a cavity, and later that night he gets soap in his eye when he’s taking a bath. And finally poor Alexander says “I’m going to move to Australia.” And the book wraps up with his mother brazenly telling him “Some days are just like that. Even in Australia.”

When my kids were little, I would finish that story, pull the covers up to their chins, turn out the light, and leave them alone in their existential despair to figure that one out.

After a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day, what do you do to escape?

Where is the Australia that you long to run away to?

Maybe you go for a little walk.
Maybe you slip into the bathtub for a Calgon moment.
Maybe you hit the gym.
Maybe you zone out in front of the TV.

Maybe you log on to Facebook. And after an hour you realize you’ve been staring at the vacation pictures of somebody you don’t even know!

Maybe you stop by the gas station on the way home for a six pack of Heineken.
Maybe you shop.
Maybe you play World of Warcraft.
Maybe you drift off into another world with a novel, fantasizing about a different job in a different city with a different person in your bed.

Maybe your deal is you smoke a little pot on the back porch just to get the edge off.
Maybe you overeat.

Maybe sometimes when you’re on the road you click on forbidden web sites.
Or you’ve got some hidden credit cards you use to cover up the tracks of your gambling problem.

What are the ways that you escape to avoid reality?

What are the ways people know about? What are the ways that nobody knows about?

Escapism is focusing ones attention on something pleasant and enjoyable instead of the harsh reality of the real world. And here’s the thing: Escapism isn’t always a bad thing. Escapism is something that is profoundly human.

The British Poet Arther Christopher Benson wrote “All the best stories in the world are but one story in reality – the story of escape. It is the only thing which interests us all and at all times; how to escape.”

That’s fascinating when you think about it. A lot of our great art and literature is about escaping. We probably wouldn’t even have art if human beings didn’t have the God given ability to leave behind the worries of the day and to paint buffalo on the cave wall. All our best stories throughout history are about escape.

In some ways the ability to escape is a close cousin to the ability to create. To imagine. It’s a very good thing. But for some of us escaping has become harmful. Where is the line?

I think there are four stages of escapism.

Stage 1 Escapism: Healthy Enjoyment.

In the Book of Ecclesiastes chapter 11 it says “Oh, how sweet the light of day, and how wonderful to live in the sunshine! Even if you live a long time, don’t take a single day for granted. Take delight in each light-filled hour, remembering that there will also be many dark days and that most of what comes your way is smoke … Follow the impulses of your heart. If something looks good to you, pursue it.  But know also that not just anything goes; You have to answer to God for every last bit of it.”

Some people are shocked when they hear that there are verses like that in the Bible. God saying “If you really want something, if you long for it, and its good, go for it and enjoy it.” There are passages earlier in Ecclesiastes that say “Eat, drink, enjoy the body of your spouse, have a good time!” But the Bible always adds… don’t ever let pleasure blind you to reality.

The first phase of escapism is healthy. It’s a good thing. In fact, it’s a command from God. In the fourth commandment, God said ‘do your work six days a week’ but then take a day off.  God designed human beings, and then built rest, relaxation, and healthy escape into the framework of our very lives.

Simple, healthy escapism is not only good, it’s essential. But there’s a second stage to escapism.

Stage 2 Escapism: Avoidance.

Avoidance is something you do in order to postpone dealing with a problem in your life. Its one thing to spend a couple of hours playing XBox, or Facebooking, or gardening after you have dealt with the work and problems of the day. It’s another thing entirely to escape in order to avoid something.

The ultimate reality that we usually try to avoid is that we are not in control of the world. So we substitute – we try to control our escaping.

There’s no shortage of things we would rather avoid.

Our financial situation.
Or a mindless, soulless job.
The fact that life hasn’t turned out quite the way you thought it would.
A marriage relationship that is deteriorating.
That pile of emails and calls that everyone is expecting you to return, the uncertainty of a company you might be leading.
The shame you feel for something that you did in the past or something that was done to you.

What is it right now that you would just rather avoid, and not think about, and not deal with?

Listen – the best way to escape a problem is to deal with the problem. Not medicate it. Not postpone it. Not search for something to distract you from it. Not look for an emotional high somewhere else.

Because here’s the thing: When you come down off of your buzz, when you leave the hotel room, when you switch the computer off, when you are done escaping, the same problem is still staring you right in the face. In fact, you might have just made it worse.

God is interested in helping you face the truth, and if you are willing to do it, he will step up and assist you. Listen to these beautiful words from Isaiah 43. “Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. For I am the Lord, your God.”

Read your own story into that passage.

God makes a promise throughout scripture to BE WITH you. So he says ‘if you will deal with your financial difficulties, take that course and make a plan, then I will be with you.’ If you will go to your spouse and discuss the elephant that is in the bedroom about your intimacy, he says ‘I will carry you through that.’ If you will face your fear, confront it boldly, appeal to me in faith you will not be burned. That is the way that I work.

Stage 3 Escapism: Neglect

It is one thing to avoid portions of a terrible horrible no good very bad day. Its quite another thing when your method of escape results in you neglecting your responsibilities to the people in your life and the commitments that you have made.

Think about this world we live in. We’ve got all sorts of addictions these days that didn’t even exist a few years ago. We didn’t even have names for 50 years ago.

I found a lot of these while I was surfing the internet for 45 hours last week:
Tanorexia – people who are addicted to tanning beds.
Pegophagia – people who chomp on ice all the time.
Ego Surfing – people who constantly Google themselves.

Technology allows us to escape reality and even to neglect part of our lives. You cross the line from avoidance and into the territory of neglect when your escapist behaviors begin interfering with your ability to function. When you’re late for work or school because you couldn’t stop playing Cooking Mama on your Wii.

The very first escapist in the Bible was Adam. God called out to him in the garden “Adam, Adam, where are you?” And he pops out of the bushes and says “Here God, here I am.” And he lies – instead of admitting he just ate the forbidden fruit he says “I was hiding because I just got out of the shower and I was naked.”

Have you ever done that? Told a lie to cover up your addiction?

Have you ever told a lie in a restaurant to excuse yourself and go to the bathroom to purge?
Do you have some secret hiding places in your house where you keep junk food? Or alcohol? Or cigarettes? Or magazines?
You ever ask someone to lie for you?
Have you ever covered your cybertracks by clearing out the history in your web browser so nobody will ever know where you have been?

See, when escapism crosses over into the realm of neglect, you start feeling ashamed about what you are doing, and that’s when the lies begin. And the cycle goes like this: Resolve to do better. Try harder. Fail. Feel guilty. Feel ashamed. Make more promises. Rinse and repeat.

And only you know in your heart of hearts that what you are doing to escape is driving a wedge between you and the kind of life that you really long for.

Stage 4 Escapism: Obsession

This is the stage where you no longer have control of your life, where your entire life becomes about escaping. You no longer can function, and the consequences of your escapist behavior come piling down on you.

This is the stage where you start to lose your family.
This is the stage where you get called into the boss’ office for the third time.
This is the stage of collection agencies, doctors visits, and pawning your prized possessions.

And you start to doubt that there is any amount of willpower that you could muster to change, and you suspect the answer is probably no.

And the danger with this stage is not that God can’t help you, its that you see no hope of God helping you.

But here’s the good news: God says if you will let me in to your escapism, I’ll be there for you. Listen to this from the book of Isaiah. I have seen what they do, but I will heal them anyway! I will lead them. I will comfort those who mourn, bringing words of praise to their lips. May they have abundant peace, both near and far,” says the Lord, who heals them.

God says ‘you know that thing that you think you’ve hidden from everybody? I’ve seen it.’ You know that thing you’ve hidden the consequences of, even from yourself? I know about it all, and if you’ll just step forward with a little bit of honesty, I’ll bring you healing.

Are you ready for that? Because if you are, you’re in the right place emotionally and psychologially.

Escapism can be great – but if you’re further than Stage 2, maybe it’s time to find a helpful, grace-filled environment where there can be trust and authenticity and healing and you can get on the road to transformation.

26 Responses to “The Four Stages Of Escapism”

  1. Howdy, your site is on air in the radio! Good job mate. Your posts are truly great and bookmarked. Regards

  2. Pat Giorgis says:

    Great insight… I see and recognize a few of the stages in those close to me. Now I have a better understanding and can help them.

  3. Jessica says:

    Terrific article- seriously terrific. Applied to me, and answered a question I hadn’t even thought to ask. Thank you.

  4. Mary Trump says:

    This article IS SO TRUE! I only wish I could get someone to realize themselves in this article.

  5. neha says:

    i have been in the fourth stage for few years of my life and this article helped me a o to recognize what i was going through thanks a lot for this article its stupendous 🙂

  6. Liz says:

    I’ve been living in stages 3 and 4 for over 25 years. I am at rock bottom and this article gave me hope. Thank you for posting this. I will share it with my loved ones that I know are suffering too.

  7. […] in more on this topic? Read here: The Four Stages Of Escapism (external […]

  8. […] četiri faze eskapizma, ali se njima nećemo detaljno baviti. Ovdje ću iskoristiti priliku i navesti konkretan primjer […]

  9. Adaeze says:

    Truly True….

  10. WhereIsMyMind says:

    Thanks for posting.. it not only made me reflect on my immediate problems caused by myself but made me realise about the various consequences I had to face due to these habits of mine. Now I AM convinced that God will indeed help me if I always help and stand by myself..

  11. Ashley says:

    “Hi, my name is Ashley and I’m a Stage 3.5 Escapist.”

    (HI, ASHLEY!)

    “I was self diagnosed with this today after the culmination of my five hour and thirty two session of internet addiction was indulged. Then my power went out because I forgot to pay the bill. I took that as a sign from God to not miss another meeting. So, here I am! Thanks for letting me share!”


  12. J G 1 says:

    AWESOME insight, thanks for sharing Be Blessed for you are a Blessing.

  13. […] -‘The Four Stages of Escapism’, DailyFreedom, 16-07-09, […]

  14. very insightfull, helps to say the least.

  15. anonymous says:

    Just wanted to let you know that, even as a non-religious person, I could relate to the stages you describe. Your writing brought me some more insight into my situation.

  16. Nikhilesh says:

    Thank you very much for this insightful article. Even though I am an atheist, I find these thoughts very motivating.
    I am struggling hard to understand escapism after years of marijuana and alcohol. But the most insidious of them all is the habit of maladaptive day-dreaming, which I have been hooked to since childhood. It feels as if the monkey brain wants to escape whenever it is let loose, and as if there is no escape from the Crazy Wonderland of Random Thoughts.
    It’s kinda a funny to see how ego gets sucked up in make-believe stories run by cerebral impulses.
    Mindfulness helps though. And so does barefoot running.

  17. Denise says:

    I’m at four since I was a kid. I also suffer panic attacks, aniexty, social phobia and severe depression. Knowing this is real has made my head swell with sadness

  18. maaria says:

    hi i really found this very useful as i have been searching for an answer for so long, i wondered why i could not grow out of pretending to be someone else. At first i thought it felt wonderful but its been 6 years and its getting in my way. But this article has just summed me up and i have realized that i have gone a bit to far with my imagination and i need to calm down. I am a stage 4 escapist.

  19. MB says:

    And when you have a spouse who does these things…I am ready to throw in the towel. Sports addiction, specifically sports betting online leagues. We haven’t lost money as he’s good at it but I have lost him to the hours he spends on there. He knows how I feel and I am tired of sounding like a broken record.

  20. owen kojo says:

    Bravo!!!! this presentation is awesomely whole, inspired by the holy spirit. It became apparently clear to me that NOT ALL FORMS OF ESCAPISM IS NEGATIVE. Thank you. God bless you.

  21. Very, very sane, helpful, hopeful, nonjudgmental piece. Thank you for the blessing of your clarity! I am approaching my compulsive escapism and fantasizing as an addictive behavior, and following the spiritual 12 Step recovery process in Escapism and Fantasy Addicts Anonymous. I am currently going on the theory that although daydreams, fictional worlds, and self distracting activities can be positive coping mechanisms for most people, I myself am not capable of using them in moderation. I am experiencing life with open eyes for the first time ever. I hope I never go back.

  22. Jack says:

    Some good advice here, even for those who do not believe in god.

  23. Paul says:

    Thanks very much such an insightful article! Gob Bless You! Paul

  24. Pankaj says:

    Very much helpful thank u so much

  25. Yasmin says:

    Such a great article. Thank you for sharing. Feels like you speak right to my face

  26. Lindo says:

    Hi thank you for such an informative article.
    I am currently in the final stage of escapism, i live in a world where, I am very successful, very rich, highly educated, well liked by everybody, a world where my opinion is very valued and I have lots of following, I have everything that I need and can do whatever i like

    Its a world where I have made new friends whom i converse with about any issues daily, i have children who are smart and who are well liked and everything is going really well for me, i am even exceptionally handsome, well groomed, well dressed with the perfect body.

    The problem about this life is that it is all in my mind, but in order for me to get to it I just need to close my eyes (infact i have become so accustomed to this world that i can get to it with my eyes wide open in the middle of a crowded public area) and then perfect life there you are!

    What is really sad about my extreme fantasism is that as soon as a problem arises in my real life, then its goodbye problems, hello fantasy life…

    My real life have completely stopped, i cannot finnish any task that i have started as when i encounter a problem during that task I take a trip to my fantasy world.

    Im really seeking help in leaving my perfect world and being able to live a functioning life in my real life.

    I know that God is the key to this but i am clueless as to where to start. Please help me as you seem to have a deep level of understanding of this problem, Im really desperate to start living my life again.

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