The 10 Minute Rule
When my son’s back slammed against the mat I couldn’t help but wince.
The 2009 British Columbia Judo Championship was something he’d been anticipating for months. He’d trained brutally hard. Avoided junk food. Kept a positive mental attitude.
But 15 seconds into his first contest, it was all over. His opponent threw him for a match winning point. That match was followed by another just like it, and then a long, cold walk to the truck for a long ride home.
So far in his 13 years of life, he hasn’t had much opportunity to practice losing. He walked away with gold at his previous tournament. He’s athletic and at ease in social situations.
But this time, I could tell he was taking it particularly hard.
So as we drove home, I told him a great secret.
I asked him how he was feeling, and he was pretty open about his answers – all variations of “really friggin’ crappy.” I tried my best to help him nail his emotions down; asking for more description, where he was feeling it, if he could remember other times he felt this way.
I let him talk, and then I pointed to the digital clock. It read 3:10pm. I said “Ok, I’ll tell you what. How about no more talking about this until 3:20. At 3:20 we’ll talk about it again, and we’ll see if you feel any different.”
3:20 rolled around. He told me he felt “the same, or worse.” So I said “Alright, lets check back in another ten.” We kept on playing that game, every 10 minutes. 3:40 … 3:50 … We actually missed 4:00 pm, but when I checked with him at 4:05, he said “You know, I don’t feel quite so bad now.” An hour later, when we noticed it was 5 O’Clock, we both had to laugh when he said “I don’t know. I haven’t even been thinking about it for the past few minutes.”
I told him that learning the secret of the 10 Minute Game was far more important than winning any Judo tournament. And that if he learned and practiced this game, it would change his life.
Any time you are feeling bad, facing a temptation, or fighting a craving, you can find a timer and play the game.
You’ll notice that feelings, cravings and emotions don’t remain static – they change about every 10 minutes. Sometimes for the better. Sometimes for the worse. But they always change. What helps them change faster is to take action for the 10 minutes between timings. Any action – even something as simple as a few deep breaths.
I told him to expect his bad feelings to surge again, probably as he was lying in bed at night or sitting in his desk at school the next day. And when they did, to just look at a clock and mark the time.
Being able to step outside of yourself, and see your situation objectively is one of the keys to experiencing peace of mind and avoiding the stifling trap of feeling enslaved by negative emotions.
Try playing the 10 Minute Game and see if it doesn’t make a difference.